


Spirit's Call

by WingedLadyColette



Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Dhampir, F/M, Guardian - Freeform, Magic, Spirits, Time Travel, Vampires, bond, moroi, strigoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27049765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingedLadyColette/pseuds/WingedLadyColette
Summary: "They wanted a lot of Spirit." Third time's the charm for 23-year-old Rose Hathaway when she dies in a fire that claims the lives of her loved ones. She awakens in the car on her way to St. Vladamir's Academy to finish her final year as a Novice. And she's not alone. Time Travel.
Relationships: Adrian Ivashkov/Sydney Sage, Dimitri Belikov/Rose Hathaway, Eddie Castile/Jill Mastrano Dragomir, Lissa Dragomir/Christian Ozera, Mikhail Tanner/ Sonya Karp
Comments: 22
Kudos: 96





	1. Burned Away

Agony.

Pain washed over me in physical waves across my body. But I push on. I pull myself across the floor over to the unmoving body in front of me. Well, there was an alarmingly high number of unmoving bodies, but there was one in particular that I was interested in. I can hardly see through the smoke, the pain, and the tears. Tears of pain and of anger. I tried to ignore the pain of my body and my chest, but I had to stop for a moment to try and fill my lungs with air regardless of how hard it is and how much it hurts to just breath.

I'm no stranger to pain. I've been hurt so bad in one instance where I almost died, and in an instance before that, where I did die. I'm no stranger to being thrown around, kicked and hit, pinned, pinched, punched, stabbed by one thing or another and break bones. I've even been shot. I'm no stranger to pain but no matter how many times I've been hurt or how bad it's been, nothing ever really prepares me for the next time I'm hurt. I suppose the only thing I can do after all of it, is power through the next pain with gritted teeth and pray for the best.

I can see smoke billowing into the air around us as fire eats away at the building. I can't spare a look at the dead Moroi attendant next to me. Her blue eyes are wide and lifelessly, watching me unseeing as I crawl past her. There is screaming off in the distance and the sounds of fighting. I should be out there. I should be fighting and protecting my Moroi. My best friend.

But I can't. My leg is speared through. It's a broken piece of rebar that I'm pretty sure shouldn't be there. It's gone right through my right thigh. My leg is on fire and I'm starting to lose feeling in my toes. Ironically, the rebar is keeping the bleeding at bay, mostly. Although I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get some sort of blood infection from the rebar. It looks a little rusty. I honestly can't believe I fell from two stories and this rebar is the only puncture wound I sustained. At least, that can be seen. I pretty sure if my ribs aren't broken, they are at least cracked. A few of them, I'd bet.

But I can't focus on my pain. Story of my life. My pain is the last thing on the list that I need to focus on. It wasn't even in the top five hundred things that I needed to focus on. And it's because the list is so long that I've been able to push onward no matter what is going on around me. Just like now, I can't focus on the agony coursing through my body, my brain, and my heart. I have other things to focus on.

I can't look at all of the dead or dying bodies around me. So many Guardians dead, so many shifting and moaning in agony, fighting hard to stay conscious and alive. I spot Eddie, also dragging himself across the room as well, but his goal isn't Lissa, at the head of the room, like mine is. His is to Jill who was to the left of Lissa.

Clockwise with Lissa at the head, Jill to her left, Christian to her left, Abe to his left and Mia to his left that takes us back to Lissa again. They sit in the center of their own individual triangles that make up a star in the middle of a circle. It honestly looks like a satanic circle to me, made up of all my friends and father. At the very head of the star, still in the circle but not in the triangle like Lissa is, is Sonya and Adrian, both of their heads pointed in toward the tip of the triangle Lissa is in which is resting in the center of all three of them.

It was basically a satanic ritual that one would see in one of those coven, cultic tv shows. I could name half a dozen off the top of my head right now if the circumstances were drastically different. If the love of my life wasn't staggering into the room fifteen feet to my right with his arm over Mikhail's shoulder to try to keep somewhat steady on his feet I might have thought that this was all some sort of sick, twisted joke. That I was dreaming and this was just a horrible nightmare I would soon wake up from in my love's arms, safe and warm in our bed.

But while this certainly wasn't a dream, that didn't mean it wasn't a nightmare.

They both look like hell, probably no different from me. Dimitri is leaning very heavily on Mikhail and while the latter isn't a little guy, he's still struggling to keep them both upright. Both are beaten and bruised and Dimitri is holding his ribs like he's trying to keep them in his body, or they somehow ache less when pressure is applied to them. Even from this distance, I can see blood trickling out of the side of his mouth. He could have bitten his tongue in the action-packed night we are somehow still living through or one of those ribs punctured one of his lungs.

Mikhail's limping, bad, and there is blood flowing down his leg, so intensely, even from this distance, I can see every step he takes is a trial and leaves a bloodied footprint behind. I think he was shot and he's lost all color in his face. He pushes Dimitri against the nearest wall because both of them need a moments reprieve. Both of them cover their mouths in order to stem the high levels of smoke inhalation I'm sure is going on. Mikhail looks dizzy and has the press the heels of his bloodied hands into his eyes to try and force himself to focus. The sheer force of his will is about the only thing keeping him upright at this point.

Dimitri's eyes scan the bodies, looking both grim and horrified by the amount of dead, and suffering. No one was spared. Dhampir or Moroi. It's a bloodbath that I should have seen coming. I should have been able to stop. I should have been able to prevent altogether. I feel worthless, powerless, useless, as I crawl agonizingly slow through the carnage trying to get to Lissa. She has to be alive, she has to be. Of all the people - in this room alone - that I have failed, she can't be one of them. I can't let her be one of them.

I hear Dimitri call out my name, fear at our situation but relief that I was alive is obviously written across his face. I nod slightly at him, but I can't stop. I can't look at my friends, at the haunting, pale looks on their faces as their energy is - or was, and now they're dried up meat sacks - sucked from them. None of them, the five that help make up the star and then Sonya and Adrian at the head of the star with Lissa made seven in total, were completely unmoving. All of their pale skin was practically gray.

They all looked dead.

The hardest, other than Lissa, to look at was Abe. I crawled between Christian on my right and Abe on my left. Abe, who is larger than left, practically untouchable, even with his sickly tan skin was devoid of all color and even being two feet from him, there wasn't even a sign of his breathing. His chest wasn't moving at all. The smoke in the room wasn't the only reason I couldn't breathe. These last few years with Abe have been... well, good. It's only eighteen years without yet he somehow made up for it in the last five years.

I reach out toward him, wanting to touch him, to know if he's alive or not. But I can't. I can't know that. I don't want to know for certain that I only got five years with him. That the old knee breaker could be felled so easily. Somehow, in the story of my life, he somehow seemed like the last boss battle. The hardest to take down. The one you really had to compile all of your skills, experience and brain power into defeating. Yet here he was, beaten. A man whom once seemed so untouchable, so unfazed, was left in a way that reminded me painfully that as large as he seemed, he was still trapped within his own mortal coil.

I curl my hand into a fist, staring at the side of his face a moment longer before pushing myself up onto my feet, slowly, trying to keep most of the weight off my bad leg as I limp across the circle, being mindful not to touch the red lines that make it up, hoping that it's paint and not the alternative. Standing now, though, blasts me with heat and smoke as the fire continues to eat away at the building. We don't have much time left before this building can no longer maintain it's structure and falls right into its own footprint. No doubt killing any and all of us who have yet to be taken by the shadow world.

Coughing and squinting through watery eyes, I make my way to Lissa. My leg is burning with pain and I'm just about ready to rip the rebar right out and bleed to death because it's in my way.

"Rose!"

I stop a few feet from Lissa, Adrian, and Sonya, turning to the way I came to see Sydney standing there, looking pained and exhausted.

Dumbly, worried, I yell back, "Are they dead?"

Sydney looks horrified at the sight of the circle and the faces that make it up. Jill and Adrian, in particular, bring her actual, physical agony. She quickly shakes it away, trying to stay strong as she limps her way over, stopping to kneel down by Eddie to make sure he's okay. He's not. Even I can tell he's in a bad way. He's close to Jill, within about two feet, but he can't pull himself any further than that. One of his shoulders is very obvious badly dislocated.

Sydney looks at the circle, her lips moving as she reads some sort of witchy information floating around the circle that I don't see before her face loses all color what so ever as she starts to understand something that I don't.

"Don't move, Rose!" Sydney calls, her brown eyes wide. "Don't disrupt the circle, uh, more than you already have!"

I look down at my legs, very aware of how wobbly I am and the ache spreading across my body. Maybe it does pay off to think things through. I can see Dimitri's face in my peripheral harden with fear. Mikhail looks like he was ready to sprint to Sonya's side to see if she was alright but Sydney's words stopped him. Everyone is in a bad way.

"What's wrong?" I call back, my ribs and throat hurt from just speaking. I sink down, painfully onto my bottom, trying to keep the pressure off of my bad leg. This rebar is really starting to piss me off.

"The magic is activated," Sydney calls, flinching hard when part of the ceiling behind her collapses. Her brown eyes flicker up toward the ceiling trying to decide if the ceiling was going to hold for much longer or not. My bet would be on not.

"What does that even mean?" I yell, angry and annoyed and afraid.

Sydney's lips move as she tries to understand what she's seeing. "The incantation is still active, the magic is still fluctuating. But it's destabilizing, foreign material is disrupting the spell - " She blinks, looking at my leg with widening eyes. "Is that a bar in your leg? Are you bleeding?"

"It's rebar, and are you saying that this can't be kool-aid?"

Sydney glares at me through the desperation in her eyes, so I'm hoping that the situation somehow isn't as bad as I fear it is, but I'm not really sure there isn't a way it couldn't be. I think this is about as bad as it can get. Dread, fear, and pain fill me as the simple thought of just how many people must be dead weigh down on me. It leaves me feeling desperate and afraid. Two emotions I hate.

The building groans loudly, over the roar of the inferno still growing in power around us, threateningly.

I want to reach out and grab all of my friends, pulling them from the circle, but I stayed my hand. This is more Sydney's field than my own, much to my chagrin. I wish I would be able to do it all. I don't really like having to hand over control to other people, even those I love and trust. I think I have a bit of a controlling issue. I don't honestly believe a lot of people would be able to handle things to my standers. I know the rest of the world isn't incompetent, but if it's me I know it's going to get it done right. Or at least, I'll be able to oversee it all.

Roll with the punches as they come along.

But Sydney understood this more than I did, so I had to stay where I was, which was hard to do as every fiber of my being begged me to go and help my friends and my father. Sitting here as the place burned around us grated away at my instincts as a living being and a Guardian and my patience. Everyone's lives are in danger and I'm sitting around doing nothing.

To occupy myself, I look down at the rebar in my leg, losing all feeling in my extremity. It is so unbelievably hard to fight all my instincts to not drag everyone out of the circle and away from danger. But I can't. No matter how much I wish I could. I know that I have to let Sydney do her thing because she knows what she's doing - or at least she knows better than I do - but it's steadily getting harder to do. My head is spinning and I'm in pain and I just can't breathe.

"Sydney, we have to get them out of here!" I yell.

"I know!" Sydney yells back. "I'm thinking!"

"Think faster! They'll die if they lose any more energy!" If they aren't already dead.

"I know, Rose! Damn it!" She runs a frustrated hand through her golden hair streaked with an auburn glow from the fire. I can see fear, frustration, and anger lining her face. The building groans again, louder this time.

"Rose!" Dimitri calls.

He saw it before I did. A part of the ceiling gives away, falling like a blazing piece of heaven unto Earth - and my head. But I did see it in time to scramble partly out of the way, but my luck had the ceiling land on my piece of rebar right as I jerked away to avoid it landing on me, and ripped the rebar right out of my leg. The scream that escaped me was half a squeal and half a yelp. It didn't sound exactly human.

The pain shot up my leg and into my torso, but not down it. I have lost all feeling in the lower half of my leg. Without the rebar in place any longer, I could feel, and see, the blood flowing out of the gaping hole in my leg. I feel it draining out of me like heat being replaced by cold, sliding down my body to my leg and out.

Sydney yells out something, but it's mixed with Dimitri's and Mikhail's voices making it impossible for me to understand what she was trying to say. Or what any of them were trying to say. But a part of me would like to think that at least one of them was warning me about the other piece of the ceiling that fell right onto my back while I was struggling to climb to my feet, unable to feel my right foot.

The initial impact of the burning ceiling is what hurt and threw me back onto the ground, but it was the fire that licked at my shirt, pants, hair, and skin that got me moving. I bucked the heavy degrading piece of ceiling off and spun around trying to put the fire on my person out before it did too much damage, but once again that foot was not helping me. I fell onto my back, which helped put the fire out, but it left me aching and hurt. I'm pretty sure some of my skin has been burned and parts of my clothes sealed onto my flesh from the heat.

I struggle away from the burning ceiling, seeing through the flames, Dimitri was staring back at me, blood nearly pouring between his lips. His hold on his side was strong and pain lines his face. I could see it in his eyes, I probably looked as bad as I felt.

He takes a step closer but his entire body convulses in pain and he clutches his ribs trying to hold them in place, gritting his teeth in agony.

My body hurts. It hurts a lot. Significantly more than it was when I first stumbled into this room. I could have laughed - if I could breath - at how naive I was. This is actual agony. This heat washing over me in sync with the tremors of pain that reverberate through my head and body is so much worse than anything I could have been able to imagine otherwise. I'm bruised, beaten, and burned. The smoke is now so thick in the room that my eyes are watering, my nose, throat, and lungs are burning from the smoke inhalation.

I pull myself up onto all fours, barely feeling anything in my right leg. In fact, if anything, I'm losing a lot of feeling everywhere. That is definitely not a good sign, that's for sure. I look around the circle, eyes landing on Lissa. I could have let out a sob of relief to see her beautiful green eyes staring back at me. They look bleary and exhausted, but she's staring at me. She sees me. She's alive.

"Lissa," I croak, crawling agonizingly slowly over to her. My limbs are shaking so bad that I can barely move. My left arm gives out on me and I slam my chin into the ground, blood filling my mouth a bit. I spit it out and push myself up, willing my muscles to keep pushing me forward. She's alive, but probably not for long if the building collapses around us. I scoot across the ground as much as I can, no longer caring about the lines in the satanic circle. The only thing that matters is getting to Lissa and figuring out how to get her and everyone else out of here.

I can barely lift myself anymore. I'm practically crawling on my forearms and thighs, not even able to really lift my face off the ground, my chin scraping the soot and ash covered floor.

Lissa's green eyes glisten. I don't know if it's because of the smoke, the pain, or because the reality of the situation isn't lost on her. But a lone, single tear slides out of her eye and down toward her hairline as she slowly turns her head to look straight at me. Her lips part a bit like she's trying to say something, but she shivers, as if unable to find the strength to even mold her thoughts into words.

What I wouldn't give to be able to hear her voice.

What I wouldn't give to go back in time two weeks ago before everything spiraled out of control so quickly that we couldn't stop it. What I wouldn't give to kill the son of a bitch who put us all in this position. What I wouldn't give to somehow go back to a time where I would be able to save everyone. Where I would be able to stop all of these terrible things from happening.

Preston Callic, his name like poison in my mind. Preston Callic, you best hope the world opens up and swallows you whole because you are going to wish you were never born when I get my hands on you.

He was going to pay dearly for this. I was going to make sure of it.

My body gives out long before my will does. I'm about a foot away from Lissa when I simply can't move anymore. I stare at her, unable to open my mouth and say what I wanted to. Beg for her to be okay and to forgive me for letting her down. Tell her that she was going to be alright and that I was going to somehow figure our way out of this. Plead with her to not give up and to have faith. To hold on. We would be okay somehow. Somehow.

But I'm so tired. My pain is finally, almost completely ebbed away. The fresh burns on my back don't even hurt anymore and I've lost almost all feeling throughout my entire body. The shadows crawling across my visions is something I recognize well. This isn't the first time I've seen them. It's not even the second or third. The shadows of death that have been following me since the car accident when I was fifteen - the same accident that took the lives of Eric, Andre and Rhea Dragomir - and even long after I cut immediate ties to Lissa through our Spirit Bond. The shadows continued to follow me. I never told Lissa that. I never told her that in high-stress situations or in the moments when my life is nearly cut short in the corners of my vision the tendrils of death would remain. Almost like they were always there, but I had begun to ignore them when in day-to-day life.

But I see them now, slithering across my vision, swallowing it up almost completely. Through the haze of darkness, Lissa's soft green eyes glow brighter than even the sun, shining back at me like a beacon, guiding me back to her. But I can't move. I've lost all feeling in my body. Lissa's eyes aren't the only thing that pierces the darkness, either. Yelling does too. Yelling that has probably been going on for a while now that I simply ignored or couldn't focus on. Through the different voices, I could hear Sydney, her voice pitched high and shaking as if terrified.

"The spell is falling apart! The spell is falling apart!" I didn't know what that meant. Not for me, or Lissa, or anyone in this room with us, but I didn't get the time to ask - even if I had had the strength to - before the shadows wrapped around me once and for all.

"Rose, can you grab that CD from the back for me?"

I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn around in the seat to dig around in the back as Lissa snaps, "Andre! She's not one of those girls fawning over your every whim! Don't tell her what to do!"

"It's okay, Liss," I laugh, trying to find the bag with Andre's CD in it. "I don't really mind. It's back here, right?"

"It should be," Andre says. "That's where I put it."

"If you wanted to look at it, you should have kept it on you," Lissa says, displeased.

I shake my head, shoving a blanket aside, hearing a plastic bag ruffled in the darkness, but of course, I can't see where it exactly is as the bag was also black. "It's okay, Lissa," I say again. "I really don't mind."

"I do," Rhea says from the front passenger seat. "Rose, please turn around and put your seatbelt back on. Andre, you can wait until we get home before you look at the CD if it matters so much to you."

"It's alright, Rhea," I say hand sliding over the bag. I grab it up and spin around, sitting back between the two siblings. "I found the bag." I toss it to Andre and grin over at Lissa, who smiles back, her green eyes rolling in her head.

"You really shouldn't be humoring him, Rose," Lissa says, brushing the loose strands of pale blond hair that fell from her hair tie behind her ears. We pass beneath a streetlight that illuminates the car for a moment. I spot Rhea and Eric smiling at one another as she reaches out and takes his right hand in her own, squeezing it with love in her eyes.

"Lissa," I look toward my best friend, grinning, "you make it seem like I chopped my arm off. I grabbed a CD for him. Lighten up." I link my arm through hers and rest my head on her shoulder and stare up at her. Lissa shakes her head a bit, holding my arm close, looking down at me. We pass under another streetlight once more illuminating the car.

Outside, I see the rain falling on the window, gently sliding down and disappearing from my view as the radio plays softly around us. In the corner of my eye, I can see Andre reading the back of his CD, pale blond eyebrows pulled together. I close my eyes and listen to the breathing of the people around me, the radio playing softly, and the sound of the rain hitting the metal of the car. I felt at total and complete peace. Safe and comfortable in the night where my kind have always thrived in. With everything going on in my life, it's nice to be able to just relax and forget about how the world is falling apart around me.

"After everything we've been through..." Lissa says softly, shaking her head a bit before resting it on top my mine, "...I'm just glad that we can take a few moments to ourselves."

"Can you read my mind?" I ask, smiling faintly. "I was just thinking that exact same thing. Let's take a breather before we go back and face our problems."

Lissa laughs, and it's been so long since I heard her laugh like that. It was soft and tired, but happy. It feels like it's been forever since she and I finally found a few moments to ourselves. Away from the stress and the expectations and the worry. At the end of the day, my best friend and I were still in complete and utter sync with one another. Sure, throughout our lives we've fallen off the bandwagon a bit, but we always managed to find our way back to one another because while Dimitri is the love of my life and the only person in the world for me, Lissa is my soul mate. She's the only one who knows every inch of my soul, even if my daily life isn't always a topic of conversation, she will always be the one who knows my heart so purely and truly.

I close my eyes, listening to her breath next to me. "Do you think Christian and Dimitri are okay?"

"What?" Lissa asks, looking down at me, her eyebrows pulling together when I open my eyes to look up at her.

"What?" I echo back. "What did I say?"

"Dimitri? Christian?" Lissa says for a moment as if the names don't mean anything to her. And at that moment, I don't know them either. I don't know who I was referring to. Somehow, I knew that they meant something to me. They meant a lot to me, but I couldn't place their faces into my head. I couldn't figure out who I was talking about. I know they are important, but for a moment I just... couldn't summon an image of either of them in my head.

I pull away and look Lissa in the eye, hoping that our mental link was still holding. Surely she knows who I'm talking about. Surely she knows the people I speak of, even if I don't.

We stare at each other, trying to remember something we both seem to have forgotten. This nagging, aching feeling in the back of my head that I can't seem to place. I'm forgetting something really important, I just can't remember what it is. Damn it!

"My palace," Lissa gasps, green eyes widening, sending a shock of fear and horror through me. Yes, I remember.

"They destroyed the palace!" I yell at her. She nods.

"They took us. All of us! Abe, Jill, Christian, Mia, Sonya, Adrian! Oh god!"

I grab onto her shoulders, staring into her eyes as they flicker back and forth trying to recall everything. "What did they want, Lissa? What was that pentagram thing? What were they doing to you all? Sydney never got far enough to say."

Lissa shakes her head, forehead creases appearing. "I... I don't know. I don't think they ever said. It was something about Spirit. They needed a whole lot of Spirit. It's why they got Adrian, Sonya and I."

"Adrian was on medication, though," I protest.

"They took him first, remember?" Lissa says, leaning toward me, face flushed with fear and anger. "They must have stopped his medication before they took the rest of us. They had to. I remember feeling Spirit in him before I lost consciousness." She rubs at her forehead, looking worried and afraid. "I don't really remember much else. They used magic to keep us in place and then..." She squints, trying to clear her mind, "I remember seeing you! I woke up to you! To the fire. Oh god, the ceiling was falling apart! We..."

"Died," I whisper. Lissa and I stare at one another, probably thinking the same thing. If we are dead, how are we together?

Lissa chews on her lower lip for a moment before looking around the car, looking at her parents and her brother, sadness, and pain flash across her face as she stomps it down, forcing the sadness away.

"Mom? Dad? Andre?"

"Yes, Lissa?" Eric asks from the driver's seat as we pass under another street light. He doesn't turn to look at us.

Lissa swallows, opening her mouth but no noise escapes her lips and I know why. This is the first time she's died. She hasn't become somewhat desensitized by any of this like I have. Saying the words aloud makes them very real, more real than she wants them to be. We were in our early twenties, neither of us was ready to die. Especially for real.

"Are we dead?" I ask, staring out into the dark night around the car, now feeling fear and worry. That darkness wasn't just night anymore. It was shadows. Shadows clawing gently at the outside of the car. A thin layer of metal separating all of us from the land of shadows.

Eric doesn't respond right away which makes sense. If we are dead, this could all be some sort of weird delusion. And if it's not, then we are a bunch of ghosts talking about being dead.

"That's not an easy question to answer," Eric finally says, not pulling his eyes off the road.

"What do you mean?" I ask. "I feel like that's a very easy yes or no question."

Eric's smile is paper thin and without mirth. "If you were in this car with us, I would assume that you were dead with us, but you were able to unbuckle your seatbelt, Rose. So you aren't bound to it like we are."

"What?" I ask, realizing that I was still no longer wearing my seatbelt, and when I looked around, it's gone. "What is...?"

I look down at Lissa's seatbelt and unclip it. It slides over her shoulder and disappears into the car without a sound. Lissa stares between where it vanished and me with green eyes so wide they almost take up her entire face.

"What? How?"

I spin around to Andre and reach for his clip to see the seatbelt disappears into the seat. I can't force my hand between the fabric. I can't find the clip. I can't get him out of the seat. I grab the strap across his chest. No matter how much I tug or pull, I can't even get it to loosen let alone let him go. He watches me with calm green eyes.

"Andre!" I gasp. "Come on, help me!"

"Thanks for grabbing my CD for me, Rose," he says calmly, offering me that charming smile that melted the hearts of all the girls at our school before he died.

"Andre!" I yell, feeling tears prick at the backs of my eyes. "Don't give up! I can still save you!"

"We watched you, Rose," Andre says, reaching out and grabbing my hands so they couldn't pull on the belt which felt like steel beneath my fingertips. I keep bending my nails back, but I don't care. I couldn't save Andre before, I can save him now! "When we died. We watched you and Liss. Watched as you stumble and fell over. As you run from your problems and toward them. We watched as the two of you split apart and came together stronger than ever before. We watched it all. You were never alone, neither of you. We were always there."

Lissa's voice is filled with sorrow and pain. I didn't need to look at her to know that she was crying. "Andre..."

"No!" I snarl at her, pulling futilely at the belt, unable to remove the belt. "Don't give up, Andre! This isn't the end!"

Andre looks at me sadly, his smile is thin. He pulls my hands from the belt again. "For you, sure. But we are where we belong now. And it's okay. It's all okay."

"I wanted you to put on your seatbelt, Rose," Rhea says softly, finally speaking again. "I wanted you, girls, to stay with us. The world is so cruel and I've seen the terrible things it has done to the two of you. I want to protect the two of you. I love you both." She looks over at us with large, sad blue eyes. "If I could protect the two of you from everything in the world... I would. I'm sorry."

"I think this is the end of the road," Eric says as the entire car is flooded with light. I'm blinded, throwing my hands over my eyes. I hear Lissa yelp in pain and surprise, probably doing the same.

"I don't want to go!" Lissa yells. "I want to stay here, with you! I don't want to go wherever this leads! I want us to stay together! Mom! Dad! Andre!"

"Andre is right, Lissa," Eric says, his voice soft and soothing as the bright light looks more and more golden. A very familiar golden color.

"We have been watching over you two since the day we died," Rhea says just as softly.

"You're never alone, so long as you have each other, you'll always have us too," Andre finishes as the golden light begins to fade into darkness at the sound of crunching metal.

I jerk awake, looking around, heart racing in my chest. "Lissa?" I yell, perhaps louder than necessary in the small space we are in. The car we're in swerves a bit before getting back on the road. I spin around, completely disoriented now in the front seat instead of the back. "Lissa?"

"Rose!"

I spin around in my seat to see Lissa sitting behind me in the middle seat, her green eyes wide. My right-hand yanks back a bit, something metal digging into my wrist. I spare a look to see that it's a handcuff before the voice next to me, shocks me into stillness.

"Are you crazy? Screaming in a car? I could have killed us, Novice Hathaway."

I turn slowly to see Dimitri Belikov sitting in the driver's seat, sending me a slightly withering look, but there was a touch of alarm and concern in his eyes. I obviously scared him when I yelled out.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I just had the weirdest - wait. What did you call me?"

Dimitri gives me a quick glance, eyebrows pulling together. "What do you mean?" He looks a bit more relaxed now, but there is this hard look on his face that I don't think I've seen in a while.

"Did you just call me Novice Hathaway?" I ask, disbelief chilling me to the bone. I pull lightly at the handcuff, fearing I might throw up.

Dimitri doesn't say anything for a moment, watching the road before giving me a confused side glance that made my heart sink all the way to the soles of my feet. It was a look that I haven't seen in years. He's looking at me as if he's looking at a stranger. There is no love. No affection. No longing or care. Just a passing glance one would offer someone that they don't know. Fear, worry, and pain coursed through me, chilling me even further. It's like a tidal wave washing over me without any way to stop it.

He doesn't know you, Lissa's voice whispers in the back of my head. He doesn't know you because Spirit did something to us. But how?

I turn in my seat, looking back at her in absolute horror. "I..." I don't know.

Lissa's eyes widen slightly. Did you hear that? Are you shadow-kissed again?

I open my mouth, trying to find the words to fully express how I feel, but my mind is blank. I can't formulate words. All I can think about is Dimitri and how he no longer loves me, no longer cares about me. I am nothing to him while he's everything to me. Wait, does that mean...?

I look down at the handcuffs, then out the dark window to see us passing under lots of trees dusted with snow down a path that I recognize from years of taking it to my one time home in St. Vladamir's Academy.

Novice Hathaway...

My lips part. "Fuck."


	2. St. Vladimir's Academy

Knowing Dimitri like I do, I know that he didn't appreciate my language, especially since he's not used to it. That, I suppose, comes with time. And love. As Dimitri began to like me, and love me, he got used to my language and mannerisms. And perhaps I evolved a bit over time too. Into someone more likable maybe. Who knows.

The look that Dimitri shot me in the corner of my eyes is easy to ignore - the pain in my chest is not so much. I thought when he came back from being a Strigoi and looked at me with no love that that was the greatest form of agony in my heart that I would have to feel, but looking at him now and seeing absolutely no emotion toward me whatsoever was far worse than that - beyond imagination. There is no love, no caring, no contempt or anger. There isn't anything. It's simply the eyes and expression of a man who stares back at a complete stranger. No attachment in any way, shape, or form.

Lissa and I sit in complete silence the rest of the way to the school, still in utter shock over what has happened. I can feel the flurry of emotions spinning around like a maelstrom inside of Lissa, practically identical to the one circling inside of me too. It's hard to tell where her emotions start and end so intertwined with my own I don't know which is which. It's been a few years since Lissa and I have been linked together with the bond, but it's like riding a bike. I've never forgotten the feeling. I never fully got used to living without the bond. A part of me had become so reliant on that tangible emotional connection to be able to read Lissa that I had to retrain the rest of me to figure out how to read her again.

And now I smoothly reverted back to simply feeling through the bond and understanding her almost immediately. Well, when she has some idea of what she's feeling. Considering neither of us know how we really feel, it makes it impossible to be able to stitch together an understanding without it. I look down at the cuff around my wrist, thinking back to this time in my life. I had rubbed the skin raw trying to wiggle my hand out of it.

When we got off the plane, I remember making a threatening leap out of it for a well-placed knee to the chest to give Lissa and I the chance to get away. It probably would have worked on anyone else in the world but Dimitri. He caught me with ease and threw me over his shoulder. Lissa gave a little laugh, having already lost faith in our escape attempts and walked with us to the black SUVs waiting to take us the rest of the way to St. Vladamir's. He carried me like a sack of potatoes to the car and was even gentlemanly enough to open the back door for Lissa.

He was carrying me on his shoulder with a hand on my lower back to keep me in place, yet he acted as if I wasn't even there. Once she was inside the car he steps up to the front passenger side door and opened that up too. He finally lowered me to the ground and stood in such a way where his body blocked me in between the door and the interior of the car. I had no choice but to go inside unless I magically came up with a way to blast through the Russian meatshield. But I had no way of doing that, just short of a dirty shot that probably wouldn't make me any friends.

So, begrudgingly, I sat my happy ass in the passenger seat with my arms crossed over my chest. Defiance is in my nature.

And he just stood there, now closer than before, still using his body to block any easy way out. If I had enough room I might be able to throw myself over the center counsel and out the driver's side, but that wouldn't get Lissa out of this predicament, so I'm stuck.

But he just stood there, staring at me. "What?" I finally snapped, not sure why he was just staring.

Seatbelt, Lissa wondered to herself, but her soft voice filtered into my mind. I knew she was remembering the car accident. I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt then and was thrown from the car, it's probably what had saved my life. If only I had known then what I do now.

I groaned, grabbed the seatbelt and clicked it into place before glaring at him. "Happy?" He didn't respond. Just stared back at me, almost considering something. Then I opened my big mouth. "It's not like I'm dumb enough to throw myself from a moving car."

He blinked. Once, twice, three times, before he held out his hand to me. I stared at it, confused. Then I looked up into his gorgeous dark eyes but couldn't read his stoic expression. Even Lissa was no help, having no idea what his odd behavior was about any more than I did.

"What?" I asked sharper than I meant to.

No response. Just staring.

I looked down at his hand again, so confused. "What?" I asked again but still nothing. Finally, I reached out and placed my hand in his own, figuring that was the only other thing I could do, except maybe a high five but we weren't good enough friends for him to get a high five from me.

He wrapped his hand around my own, reached behind his back and grabbed out handcuffs and in a swift, deft move, he chained me to the car door and slammed it shut firmly before walking around the car to the driver's side as the other Guardians piled in. Even though my jaw was to the floor in shock, I didn't miss him passing one of the Guardians saying, "Wild girl isn't jumping out of my car."

And now we're here.

I can't believe it, Lissa whispers in my head as the gates to St. Vladamir's Academy opens before us. I can't believe we are here.

She and I both. How did this even happen? It had to of been that circle. All of the elements and a healthy, extra dose of Spirit from three powerful users, probably somehow made this possible. But I'm not smart enough to know how exactly. There has to be a lot of elements in play here. Our magic and that of Satan's magic, along with who knows what other variables. I would seriously have to sit down with Sydney to see what she has to say about this.

My eyes flicker over to Dimitri as a twinge of pain and worry settle in my gut. If Dimitri doesn't remember anything, Sydney wouldn't either, right? Does that mean that Lissa and I are the only ones here? Why? Was it just because we were awake in the circle before the ceiling caved in on us? I don't want to think that we were the only ones that were alive in the circle. That brings a stabbing pain to my chest that sucks the breath right out of me.

Without thinking, without mentally processing myself, I reach back with my left hand to my best friend. I feel her long, thin hand wrap around my own. I can feel the heat of my body with her own. A small wave of comfort washes over her, gaining strength and comfort from me, as I do from her. I feel her squeeze my fingers tightly and peaking into her mind, she's somewhat drowning beneath a torrent of emotions. She's thinking about her life at Court, about the days leading up to her kidnapping which was basically normal, about that weird little limbo dream with her parents and brother, and what this could possibly mean for us now.

Both of us are reeling, thinking about anything and everything in those few months leading up to Lissa's kidnapping and the attempted rescue that went horribly awry and ended with pretty much all of us dying and Lissa and I thrown into hell. Synonymous with our past.

It's only once we are inside the Academy's walls and Dimitri shuts off the car that he finally passes over the key to the handcuffs to me. I take it and uncuff myself, feeling numb. We are here. At St. Vladamir's Academy. As seventeen years old girls. Going through our senior year. Again.

I can't fucking believe this. I went through my senior year already and it sucked on about thirty-five different levels. Not only was there a ton of people here I simply didn't care to see, but there were classes that I barely passed the first time and spent just enough time away to have forgotten everything which is basically worse than the first time because I had a bit of memory for that stuff then but not now. Everything that I know now is all practical stuff, not what I learned in books. I'm not even really sure what I'm doing is considered protocol or not.

I'm Lissa's Guardian. Not a lot of people can tell me what I'm doing is wrong. Not a lot of people can question my decisions. And Dimitri is almost always there with me, helping talk through things with me. Maybe it's his ideas and probing that stops me from going too gung-ho. Considering he's more dressed for the lawless cowboy shtick than I am, the irony isn't lost on me.

I force myself to calm down as Lissa loops her arm through mine, giving me a bit of clarity in my mind. She's uneasy too, as this school year wasn't exactly kind to her either. We can argue who had it worse. I would flip-flop on the days trying to decide if I felt sorry enough for myself to choose me or not, and I know Lissa is the same. Some days this year was the worst for me, some days it was worse for her, but one thing that I know for certain is that these next few years really, really sucked.

"I can't believe we're back," Lissa says, her words intentionally vague as Dimitri and one of the other Guardians walk close by to ensure I don't break a twig off of a broken tree and stab someone in an escape attempt.

I take everything in with my eyes. The same St. Vladamir stares back at me, covered in winter's dust. Ha, just kidding, winter spit up all over Backwater, Montana, and St. Vladamir has become someone's winter wonderland. Not mine, though. I much prefer it if was warmer. And say there was a beach close by, and an ocean within walking distance of that beach.

"Nothing's changed," Lissa says, shaking her head with wide eyes. Her steps have slowed down considerably, and I slow mine to match hers. I'm used to this pace, it's her queenly pace. This is the slow, steady, strong pace that she used to show her confidence and strength. She knew how to do that as a Royal amongst "equals" and "lessers", but she perfected the act, the walk, as a Queen amongst subjects.

I let out a long drawn-out sigh, as we make our way into the building, heading toward the cafeteria for that walk of shame that no one gets tired of, I'm sure. I mean, come on, who doesn't like long, awkward walks through a crowded cafeteria full of hormone driven, gossip fiends that sensed a good story as soon as we stepped onto campus. Because as soon as we walked into the room, making our way to Kirova's office, through all the areas that are the most densely populated so that the rumor can spread as quickly as possible.

"Actually, something has changed," I mumble at her.

Lissa looks over at me, curiously. "What?"

"Us," I say.

Lissa smiles mirthlessly at me, knowing exactly what I'm talking about without needing clarification. "Don't I know it. I can't believe that this is happening to us." She shakes her head slowly, meeting every stare sent her way with practiced grace and calm. "This entire situation is like something out of a dream." She stares down a freshman with beautiful green eyes.

"Or a nightmare," I mumble.

"Rose," Lissa says sharply, before taking a breath, slowing her steps more than before. Dimitri takes this in stride. If it was just me, he would have nudged me along so that we weren't later than we already were. Plus it doesn't hurt that Lissa has perfected the ability to walk around anywhere like she owns every inch of it, and it flows off of her in graceful waves. She seems powerful and untouchable and while the inside of her is a raging maelstrom, on the outside she is calm and in complete control.

I hope that I appear as in control as she does. Sometimes I never know. Her strength made me strong, and I'm praying that my facial control is nearly as good as her own.

Aaron was looking after Lissa, so was Mia with that ugly. angry look on her eleven-year-old looking baby face. I always hated that look on her face. I can't wait until I break her nose and she comes to our side from the bitchy one she's on right now. I love Mia. Mia is my friend and both of us away from St. Vladamir is probably the best thing that happened to our relationship.

She's my friend and I love her, and my impulse control has gotten significantly better than when I was seventeen, but I'm afraid if Bitch Mia turns up her perfect, unbroken nose at me, I might swing again. It taught her a bit of humility and we were able to get over it, so I feel like one or two swings at her should be okay for us, right?

Well, if she's lucky, we won't figure it out.

We walk into Kirova's office and both of our eyes land on Victor Dashkov in the corner of the room. But unlike last time we were in this position, neither Lissa nor I, am happy to see him. In Lissa's mind's eye, she sees the man who kidnapped and tortured her. The man she had to help bust out of prison so that we could find his half-brother and save Dimitri, only to lose him when the undead love of my life attacked us in Vegas. Even though her emotions are a mess from this entire situation, seeing Victor sends a chilling anger through her. She doesn't pity him or love him anymore. All of the good memories she had of him were colored black and red with anger and disillusionment.

But for me, I see his dead eyes staring back at me. I see his body slumped against the wall with blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. I see him through the red haze of anger and rage that coursed through me whenever I thought about him, fueled by Spirit. I feel anger and pain and sadness and shame, all just by staring at him.

Like Lissa, I know that I will never be able to look at him the way that seventeen-year-old Rose used to see him. He will always be a man I despise and chose to not want in my life. I know what he's planning on doing, and I'm not going to let him do it. I won't let him lay his hands on Lissa. I won't let him hurt her. Never again. I failed her too many times to willingly walk into another one. He won't get a hug from her, and he won't get sympathy from me. That's just not going to happen.

I reach up to the back of my neck, thinking about the scores of molnija and the few zvezda marks that I used to have decorated the back of my neck. My badge of honor, but also my reminder.

Lissa catches the movement and misunderstands, thinking maybe I had a twinge in my neck, or I was somehow trying to control my anger when it came to Victor, which was partly true.

But she touches the back of my neck and pushes some of my hair to the side to get a look when a zing of shock runs through her. I turn my head to look at her, knowing I can't say anything, but her eyes are wide and she's already brushing my long hair back into place.

All your marks are there, Lissa's voice whispers in the back of my head. What are we going to do? How do we explain all of your marks? Even your promise mark?

I have no idea. I don't even know how we got here, let alone why I still have my marks on my neck. It became such a normal thing to have - a part of me - that I didn't even think about it. I mean, my mind was sent back in time, I didn't think I would take my marks with me! How in the world am I suppose to train with Dimitri if I can't put my hair up? He won't accept me not putting my hair up.

Oh shit! How am I supposed to be promised, if I already have a promise mark?

The hug that Victor gave Lissa - very much against her will - was stiff and I know she pulled away quickly, but both of us were thinking about my marks and how to cover them up. she was thinking a lot of make-up, but she didn't even think about my needing a tattoo when I graduate. But I'm thinking about it, and unless I come up with a fool-proof plan on how to explain it, I'm screwed. People are probably going to think that I am a liar and a fraud.

What am I going to do?

I sit there quietly, my mind racing. I don't hear Kirova as she stomps back and forth in front of me talking about how I'm the shame of the world because I took Lissa from St. Vladamir's Academy. How I was never punished for what I did before leaving either. She drones on and on about everything I've already heard from her and everyone else over my years as a Guardian. People like to trudge up my past when it suits them. I know I was an idiot when I was younger - seventeen to twenty-one in specific was particularly hard - but I'm not going to let that phase me anymore. Especially since I'm not going to make those exact same mistakes as I did before.

I'm not as impulsive or childish as I used to be. I'm smarter and definitely more worldly than I thought I was when I really was seventeen years old. I'm not seventeen. Maybe my body is - or maybe it isn't seeing as I still had my marks - but my mind is years older. I'm not ignorant to the ways of the world any longer. I may not be in control of my life like I want to be, but I have a bit more control now than I did when I was first in this position.

"Rose," Lissa says, pulling me from my thoughts.

"What?" I say, staring over at her. I hadn't realized that the room fell quiet. Kirova, Alberta, and Dimitri stare back at me with unreadable expressions, while Lissa looks calm, collected.

"Say something to Kirova, Rose," Lissa says, reaching out to take my hand. Her voice is even and confident. She knows what I do. Even if I can't somehow talk my way out of this, Dimitri will.

But I also know what he's going to say.

"Lissa and I are bonded," I tell them, glancing over at my best friend. She looks on without expression. She trusts me. Whatever I say, she's going to back me. Not that what I'm saying is going to be a lie, but even if I did, she would follow me to hell and back based solely on my words. For the first time in a long time, I feel Lissa's complete and utter confidence seeping out of her, through our bond to me.

"That's impossible," Kirova sneers in disbelief. "A bond hasn't been - "

"Lissa and I are bonded," I say again. "In the car accident two years ago, Lissa and I bonded when she saved my life." I'm not sure how much I want to say just yet. The last thing I want is to give anyone more power than they should have, but thinking about the people in this room - Lissa, Alberta, Kirova, Victor, Dimitri - I realized I don't really need to hide it. The only one to pose a threat is Victor, but Lissa and I will be watching him and Natalie like hawks. He's not going to catch us off guard.

"Princess Vasilisa didn't save your life," Kirova says, sounding annoyed. "You weren't even hurt in the accident. Besides, what does this have to do with - "

"The accident was the turning point," I say, cutting her off again. I'm not going to elaborate on how she saved my life, no one would really believe it either. That would have to wait, I think. No one is ready for Spirit just yet. Not that I think anyone is ever really ready for it. "It was after the accident that Lissa and I formed our bond."

"Rose stopped breathing," Lissa joins in, lying easily, although I feel a sting of sadness in her. She likes Alberta, Dimitri, and even Kirova. She hates that she has to lie to them. She doesn't mind so much lying to Victor, because, like me, she's already creating a story in her mind to weave together so that we can say what we want without revealing too much before we are ready. "She stopped breathing and I remembered enough from CPR class and brought her back. I was so wounded, I didn't know if I would be able to do chest compressions or not. But as you can see.." She nods over to me.

"It was after she saved my life that our bond was created," I finish off the lie. I don't look at Victor, but by telling this lie, and knowing what I know about him and what he knows, I am acutely aware of him in the back of my mind. "I took her from the Academy because I felt her life was in danger, so we left. Do you want an explanation for why we ran off? Why I took the Dragomir Princess out of St. Vladamir? I'll tell you - "

Lissa jumps in her seat next to me, alarm and fear spiking through her. "Rose," her voice is sharp in warning. Even though she believes in me and trusts me with her life and our future, but she's still worried about being too honest too quickly.

I stare at her, reassuring her with my eyes. I know what the costs could be if I messed up. I could lose everything and everyone that I love. I could destroy all of our lives by messing up. So, no pressure.

"I'll tell you," I say to Lissa, reassuring her one more time, before looking over at Kirova and speaking to her. "Because with all your wards, and your Guardians and your rules and your school, she doesn't feel safe here. She didn't feel safe two years ago, so she wanted to leave here. And I took her. I am Lissa's Guardian. I have been her Guardian for years. I have kept her safe, I have looked after her and if you want to kick me out? Fine. I will wait outside the walls of the school until she graduates and sell my service to her cheap. I won't be promised, but that's fine I won't be a Guardian if I can't have her."

Kirova looks at me with a mixture of confusion and surprise. I'm sure she must have heard a fair share of nonsense in her many years as both a teacher and a headmistress that I'm sure haven't exactly been this brand of nonsense but I'm sure she's heard her fair share. A part of me wonders what the most absurd thing she's ever heard is. I wouldn't be surprised if it was my words she threw back at me.

But I'm serious. I don't care too much about being in St. Vladamir's Academy if only to be around my friends. Around Lissa. Around Dimitri. I would kill to spend every waking moment - and in Dimitri's case, while I'm sleeping too - at their sides. Dimitri and I were going to get married before all of this nightmarish bullshit. He bought me a beautiful ring that he got himself and had been hounding me for two years to finally walk down the aisle. I finally agreed to set a date, but we never got passed deciding the season. We wanted a summer wedding, he and I. We wanted it in the early morning so that we can appreciate the sunlight on our skin as we promise our lives to each other. We accept our lives being shrouded in darkness, but we wanted to be together in the sunlight.

But that's how they got us. It's how they ultimately won. Dimitri and I were away. I let the pressure of this wedding and my love for Dimitri get in the way of my duty to protect Lissa. I became complacent. It wasn't Dimitri's fault. It was mine. I tried to live my life outside my duty. I love Dimitri. I love him with all my heart, but I didn't need to marry him to know I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't need a big wedding and a change of my last name to know that he would always be a piece of me until the day I die. I should never have let anyone talk me into a big wedding with people and presents and cake. It should have just been Dimitri and me, two or three friends, along with my parents, his mother, and sisters, and someone to marry us.

If it had been like that, we never would have a need to leave Lissa alone. She wouldn't have been taken. None of this would have happened. It's a common theme, I'm starting to see, that Lissa seems to always get kidnapped when I'm not around. Honestly, I thought that it was going to be the other way around, but once again, color me surprised.

I don't know how I won Dimitri in the first place, let alone how in the world I'm going to replicate it, but I am not letting my man fall for anyone else. Especially considering that the only person that really had any chance with him other than me, as far as I know, was Tasha Ozera. And the anger and jealousy that burned through me at that moment hurt me. I still, even to this day, have many mixed feelings about Tasha that I was perfectly content with pretending didn't exist seeing as I had hardly any to no interaction with her once she was imprisoned for the death of Tatiana Ivashkov, but I'm afraid of how they will present themselves now that I'm going to face her once more.

This time, though, she will have done nothing wrong.

She wouldn't have hurt anyone or killed anyone and she didn't hate me for stealing Dimitri away when she was so close to having him, that she would frame me for both revenge and convenience. Sometimes, and I'm not sure how I make it so easy for the bad guys to be able to get the upper hand on me. And I don't mean in battle, but like when Tatiana tricked me into helping fuel her cause to lower the graduation age to sixteen, or how my calling said Queen a sanctimonious bitch gave Tasha pretty much all the evidence she needed just short of video footage of me doing the deed, to convict me in a court of law. And pretty much each and every instance involving Victor too.

I just don't understand how the bad guys keep getting the upper hand on me. It's not fair. For once I would like to be three steps ahead, rather than struggling to keep up.

"Guardians are fewer in numbers as it is," Dimitri says after a long silence, drawing everyone's eyes to him. "We shouldn't be throwing away any who wish to serve, especially those with talent. And the female Guardian numbers are at an all-time low, as well."

Kirova looks trapped. Her bird nose turned up as she looks at me consideringly. She opens her mouth, probably about to tell Dimitri I would be better suited in some Blood Whore camp, but Victor cuts her off before she can even say a word. "She has somehow kept Vasilisa safe these last two years. Even if they didn't run into Strigoi, it's not safe out in the world for two young girls regardless."

"Rose sprained a gropers wrist," Lissa offers.

I snort, pulling myself a bit from the darkness settling over me. I had forgotten about that. "You're missing a key part of the story: they were groping me, not you."

"Yeah, well, you would have broken his wrist if it was me," Lissa says, knowingly.

She was leaving out another important part of the story. Lissa and I were out on a double date with Christian and Dimitri. Somone had called Dimitri about an event that he was planning the security detail for in a week's time, and Christian had stepped away to grab us some drinks when the guy made the grab at me. Lissa saw him make the grab while was bent over tying my shoe when he grabbed a handful of my ass.

I remember yelping out, "Oi!" before spinning around, grabbing his wrist and giving it a good twist. He was some idiot college guy joking around with his friends. What he didn't know was I was trained to take down guys a lot bigger than me and that beanpole had nothing on some of the people I've faced - excluding the many Strigoi. He didn't know that Lissa's boyfriend was already heading toward us and could have lit him up in seconds if he wanted to, and what he certainly didn't know was while I was very much able to handle myself, the shadow of my angry 6'7 fiance falling over us was a long one.

There is just something unnerving about his height, and the fact that he's Russian. Those American idiots looked terrified when Dimitri glared at them from over the top of me, but when he asked, voice thick with his accent, "Do you have some business with my fiance?" I could see all the color drain from their faces. They didn't know that he was a duster wearing, western loving dhampir god that kills the undead for a living and was even undead at one point. They only knew he was big, strong and angry.

I'm not going to lie, while I'm all for strong, capable women, there is just something thrilling about Dimitri adamant and clearly stating his claim of me as his fiance. Maybe it was because the beginning of our relationship wasn't exactly a relationship and there wasn't really any stake or claim for one another. We couldn't lay claim to one another. I couldn't call him my boyfriend and he couldn't call me his girlfriend. The only thing we could call each other is teacher and student, and that isn't exactly a turn on knowing that Dimitri could get into an unbelievable amount of trouble because of the nature of our relationship at that point. So...

Kirova's annoyed sigh pulls me from my thoughts and back to the present. I don't know if I was living through that moment in my own head, or Lissa's but both of us were feeling deep stabbing pain in our chests. Thinking about that simple, easy date that was just weeks before our lives came to an end. Literally. It was only a few weeks later that Lissa and the others were kidnapped and we died. We hadn't known at that time, while we were laughing and joking and having a fun double date, that Adrian had been kidnapped from work and set this all in motion. Or, at least, the final stages.

"Very well, Ms. Hathaway, you will be allowed to rejoin the Novice class and hope that you have some chance at graduation. But you are going to need to take extra classes if you even hope to catch up with the rest of your class by the end of the year - which I don't think you will. Two years is a lot of time to lose. So someone is going to have to put in extra time." Kirova crosses her arms over her chest and turns her gaze to Dimitri. "Are you willing to take on this burden, Guardian Belikov?" She asks flatly.

This burden has a name. It's Rose Hathaway, thanks.

Dimitri looks stunned, about to protest before his eyes flicker over to me as Kirova says, "No one else will take her, I'm sure. And you were so quick to defend her, I thought you would. If not, then there is no hope for her."

Any protest dies on his lips and it's hard not to swallow back the feelings of pain in my heart. Lissa sends me all the comfort she can muster through our bond. When we were in this position when we were actually seventeen, Lissa hated the bond. Hated the invasion of privacy, but now she's using it to her advantage. Even though she can't feel me through it, she's using it to help me. She is a true, honest friend. I would never be able to bond with anyone else like I do with Lissa. Not like this anyway.

"Very well," Dimitri says reluctantly. "I will train Novice Hathaway."

"Ah," Kirova says, distastefully before looking over at me, "And don't think this gets you off easy. There will be no extracurricular activities for you, either. If you are not in class or training with Belikov, you are in your room, understood?"

I nod, feeling Lissa's hand still wrapped around my own, tighten. "Yes, Headmistress."


	3. Guardian

My schedule ended up the same as when I first went through my senior year at St. Vladamir's. Kirova sent us away as soon as I agreed to obey her wishes. I think she was sufficiently sure that both Dimitri and I were adequately punished for killing my social life and taking away Dimitri solitude. She's sure that's going to be enough. What she doesn't know is that she isn't just punishing me. She's torturing me. She's dangling the love of my life in front of me like water in the desert. She might be angry at me and the situation, but I'm sure she doesn't intend to be this cruel. If she knew, I'm sure this situation would have been so different.

Nevermind the fact that I can't in my right mind believe that the Headmistress would willingly and knowingly put a minor and an adult together that would ultimately - hopefully - fall in love with one another and commit a crime just a week before that minor's eighteenth birthday. Maybe I will be a bit smarter about that, seeing as we - and I mean he - got into some trouble for that wonderful act.

Thankfully there was no legal trouble. With Lissa as Queen, she conveniently never really knew about when Dimitri and I got together or when we originally consummated our love for one another. It was more of the backlash from my parents. They went on that hunting trip when I wasn't privy too, but I know that he started out on the wrong foot with Janine and Abe. Thankfully, they came around quickly, like I knew they would and it was all behind us. Still, Dimitri is such a good man, the fact that there was any avoidable friction between him and my parents was a little hard.

I wish I could have stayed with Lissa. I wanted us to be able to sit down and talk about what to do next in this crazy situation, but she was spirited away from me before we could talk. But even as we walked away from one another, our bond still held strong. Strong enough to ease some of the apprehension that is building up inside of me once more. I'm going to go gray before long and die of stress not long after that at this rate. This experience is going to kill me, I swear.

And no, God, that isn't a request or a challenge. Just a bit of dramatic phrasing. Promise.

This wasn't like the last time we were walking this hall, going to separate councilors to get our schedules for the remainder of the term. Unlike the last time we went through this, I have control of the bond. It's been a few years since I've last felt the bond, but it all comes back to me without even the smallest hiccup. It's nice to be able to drone out while other's are talking and filter into Lissa's mind whenever I'm bored. Not that I could do it now, I'm walking to my first class with the other dhampir's, and would more than likely run into a pillar or another student.

Surprisingly enough, I was the dhampir, not the Moroi, and yet I had a personal escort all the way to my class. Not that I minded Dimitri being there. I'm sure Lissa got her own escort, but a part of me wondered what they thought I would do. I didn't leave because I wanted to. I left for Lissa. And I took her with me. Oh well, walking in silence with Dimitri, I could close my eyes and almost imagine that we were back in Court after a long day. Our schedules lined up neatly with one another and we were able to leave guard duty and walk back home together.

Sure, we were hand-in-hand, unlike now. But in the fantasy, we are, and it's nice. It's nice to immerse myself in the fantasy where he and I are together. Walking side-by-side down the halls stopping to share a chaste kiss before we continued on.

What wouldn't I give to be with my sexy Russian eye-candy? To be able to throw him against the wall and kiss him crazy. But I can't. I can't reach out and grab him to me, kiss him crazy and send him on his merry way. I can't share steamy eyes with him or take his hand. I can't because he doesn't love me. I can't because he isn't mine. I can't because he wouldn't understand.

He spares me a look in the corner of his eye but doesn't say anything as we go. I can't imagine what he would have to wonder about. Nothing's really happened yet. I mean, if it's a few weeks from now, or say, tomorrow morning, when he gives me one of his own hair ties because today he won't have thought about it and realize I have molnija and zvezda marks, then I could understand what he would have to wonder about. I'm still not all that sure how to explain why I have my marks. I have a very limited amount of time to try and figure that out.

Someone could notice my marks in class today, if I don't think of something to say soon, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I wish Lissa and I could have had a moment or two to talk about that at least. I'm worried about what we are both making up in our time apart from one another. I can at least try to match my stories with her's from what I see and hear through our bond, but she's going to be flying blind.

Once I get back to my room, I'm going to have to email her, since I don't have my phone anymore. Now that's really taking me back. I didn't get a cell phone until after I got back to Court and proved my innocence about the death of the late - now no longer late - Queen Tatiana Ivashkov. The first thing that Abe did after rubbing it in everyone's face, was buy me a cell phone as a good-job-on-proving-your-innocence-and-causing-a-commotion-at-the-dreary-and-boring-Court present. So, that was nice of him.

I like that he can easily forget that he hasn't seen me a day before my eighteenth birthday. I mean, his ability to think he's a good dad when he has a long way to go is an astounding skill. I think a lot of Moroi men have that ability. Hm.

Not to say that Abe and I don't have a good relationship now that he's around. Or, I mean, we did. Before this.

What am I going to do? I can't hide my marks. I can't pretend that I'm not a Guardian, or a damn good one - if I do say so myself. I highly doubt that Lissa can go back to being Princess when she's obviously built to be a Queen. I don't think the chemistry that we have built as Queen and Guardian can be stopped now that we are Princess and Novice.

Novice? Oh, hell no. I busted my ass to be a Guardian. I think there is only one thing that I can do in this situation: lie my ass off. Well, enough that I am going to go to bed each night hating myself for them.

Once we get to my first class, I almost lose feeling in my legs when my eyes land on a very familiar red head's pure white teeth flashing my way.

"There she is!" Mason laughs. He spreads his arms open wide in a greeting that I couldn't refuse. This will probably be one of the few times in my life that I will walk from Dimitri for another man whom I've wanted to see more. And the irony in that isn't lost on me.

"Mason..." I whisper, hugging him tightly.

Mason laughs, giving me a friendly squeeze, but his hands linger a touch too long before we pull away from each other. When he goes in for our handshake, I'm ready for it. It was something Eddie and I continued doing long after Mason was killed.

He seems pleased that I remembered and somehow it hurts me. I didn't remember because of him. I remembered because of Eddie. And that feels like betrayal too. But he is none the wiser and smiles away completely oblivious to the fact that I know if things continue as they are, he will die before the year's end.

But that isn't going to happen. I won't allow it. That, God, you're going to have to kill me first.

Eddie steps up next and a part of me is relieved that the horrors of Spokane don't shine in his eyes now like they did in the days leading up to my death - err again. Mason was my friend and I cared a lot about him, but Eddie and Madon were best friends. They were closer than close. They were like Lissa and me, strip away one of us being a Guardian. Their friendship would have lasted forever, had Mason lived.

I hug Eddie and it feels distant. I love him like a brother. I am protective of him in every sense of the world. But to him, we are just friends that haven't seen each other in a few years. I have lived through a lifetime of change. A few of them, I think. It is so strange to be back here in this moment, the two mes, the one that should be here and the one that is, feel like they couldn't be more different. It feels like who I was at this moment is someone that no longer exists. I know I said something similar while I was still at St. Vladamir's, but it couldn't feel any truer now.

And now... well, now I feel like I'm drowning in my own past. I'm twenty-three year old Rose, trapped in seventeen year old Rose's reality.

So I didn't get my ass handed to me like I had the first time. A sick bit of pleasure came from showing my classmates that even after all this time, I still had it. I wasn't to be easily outdone. But I knew the truth in my heart, it was all a lie. I am a Guardian pitted against Novices. That's hardly fair, and I wasn't exactly going easy on any of them. Mason, Eddie, even Meredith whom I sparred with a few times before class was over got thrown around. I'm used to dealing with fully minted Guardians and Strigoi, hell, my training partner is considered a God amongst the Guardians.

Once you spend enough time doing that, Novices is like nothing. Well, not nothing. Mason managed to knock me on my back before I kicked his legs out from beneath him. And Eddie managed a good chokehold that would have worked if he hadn't left his stance open as wide as he did. Giving me perfect access to his gut with my elbow. He's lucky I didn't aim lower.

But by the end of class, people were already welcoming me back as if I never left, and in awe over my skills.

"You were just like a real Guardian," Meredith said, rubbing at the back of her neck. "Did you graduate while you were away?"

It was a joke. She doesn't have the ability to see into the future, cause if she did, she would have been able to at least best me once in our bouts, but her words gave me a great idea. Well, not a great idea, a lie that I can weave as my own. I'm not sure for how long and how far I can take it, but it's all I've got at this point. A part of me considered just lying to Dimitri, tell him I'm undercover somehow protecting Lissa as a Novice, but I would still have to somehow explain my marks in class to my fellows. My Instructor has already given me a lot of flack as it is for having my hair down and this is day one.

"Wear it up or cut it, Hathaway, those are your choices," she had said in annoyance. Like I didn't already know that.

I have some serious apprehensions as I make my way to Stan's class. This is it. This is where I'm going to begin to weave my lie together. I have to be careful about what I say. I have to make it believable without giving everything away and backing myself into a corner. And lie my ass off with enough truth to keep Dimitri's bullshit sensing abilities none the wiser.

I find my seat and rub the sweat off my hands onto my thighs. It's been a while since I was dressed down in my salvation army threads. I've gotten so used to wearing my boots and leather jacket outside of my Guardian attire, that it's odd without them. I can hear Eddie and Mason having a conversation with me in the middle of it, but I am trying so hard to get into the zone and pray that I can make this work. The only other option would be to flee the school, join the keepers and live out the rest of my days batting Joshua off with a stick.

Yeah, no.

"Ah, Rose," Stan says, pulling me from my thoughts, "why don't you come to the front of the class and tell us about your experience out in the world these last two years?"

Maybe if I pretended it would be my pleasure, he would be spiteful enough to not let me go up there. "Do you mind?" I ask politely. Sure, Stan and I aren't ever on good terms, it seems, but he's a good Instructor and Guardian. We might not be the other's favorite person, but that doesn't mean I can't try and be cordial.

Stan smiles like he sees through my ploy. With a grand wave of his hand like a circus ringleader preparing to reveal the tiger on stage, he sweeps his arm and says, "Be my guest, Novice Hathaway." Well, alright then.

I stand up, keeping my moves purposeful and calculated. I wanted to be the perfect picture of calm and cool, even as my classmates "ooh"d and "ahh"d as I made my way to the front. I didn't want them to hear my heart pounding in my chest or see that I was worried sick about how this was all going to play out. I'm not good at lying. I never have been. I'm afraid that everyone can see on my face how worried I am.

As I walk to the front of the room where Stan is waiting for me, I force my shoulders to relax and my breathing to even out. I stop next to Stan, take one more breath before I turn around, fold my hands neatly behind my back, spread my legs out shoulder length apart, and relax. I can see a peculiar look cross over my classmates' faces as they try to put fifteen-year-old Rose in the place of seventeen-year-old Rose. But they aren't getting either. I'm not that girl anymore. She may make surprise appearances once and a while, but she isn't all of who I am anymore. I'm older, smarter, more calculative and more patient than fifteen - or seventeen - year old Rose ever was.

"What would you like me to talk about, Guardian Alto?" I ask, impressed that my voice is completely steady considering I'm gripping my hands so tightly behind my back that it almost hurts.

"Well," he says slowly. He crosses his arms over his chest and hums to himself. In the height of his pitched humming, my eyes find Dimitri, standing in the back of the room, staring down at me with beautiful, impossibly dark brown eyes that I could gaze into forever. "How about, since this is a protection class, you tell me about how you... um, protected Princess Vasilisa?"

"Lissa," I say automatically.

"What?"

"Nothing," I mumble. I take a deep breath, then ask, heart racing and blood roaring in my ears, "Before or after?"

Stan looks understandably perplexed by the question. "Before or after what?"

"Before or after I became a Guardian?" I ask. I have to applaud myself. I don't need a mirror to know that my face is completely stoic. My Guardian mask, usually used for when I'm dealing with royals by Lissa's side has fallen over my face. It's easy to find that place, to mask myself behind the facade.

Stan stares back at me like he didn't understand, my classmates all look like I'm speaking a different language and for a second I wondered if maybe I slipped into either Russian, which I'm basically fluent in or Turkish, where I can hold up a good conversation in. But I'm sure that I spoke English. Dimitri and Yuri weren't the only ones in the room that looked like they at least understood the words coming out of my mouth.

I'm not sure how many others knew Russian or Turkish. I've heard Yuri and Dimitri speak Russian to one another, and I know that Stan at least understood keywords in Russian. Whereas Dimitri can speak fluent English and Russian, he knows a bit of Turkish and was my conversation partner when I wasn't testing myself out on Abe. If Dimitri had some idea of what I was trying to say, and I could sort of understand him, then I would try my hand at a short conversation in Turkish with my old man.

"What did you say?" Stan asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Before or after I became a Guardian?" I repeat, turning my eyes to him. I can stare down Strigoi hundreds of years old. Stan Alto may be an intimidating man, but he wasn't worse than a Strigoi. He can be close, though when he wants to be. Like now.

Every time I say that Stan looks more and more perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"You said you wanted to know about my protection methods for Lissa. I want to know what you mean. Before, or after I graduated and became a Guardian?" I impress even myself with how calm my voice sounds. I can't even talk about the weather that calmly.

"Shit, Hathaway," one of my peers finally recovers. "You're not even back half a day and you're already making up stories?" That gets a few playful jeers from my former classmates. Now that someone has written me off, everyone else is ready to follow their lead. The idea of me being a Guardian is so far out of the realm of possibility to them I'm actually insulted. I haven't seen these bastards in years and this is how they treat me?

I mean, sure. It's completely unheard of for someone who's my age claiming to be a Guardian. That just doesn't happen. But I know something that isn't well known. There are special Academies around the world that are just for dhampirs training to become Guardians. There isn't a lot of them, maybe around five in the whole world, that does special, accelerated training programs for Novices. It's rigorous and brutal and most can't do it.

I only knew about it through Lissa. The biggest Academy specifically tailored for this is in Europe with it's highest graduating class being fifty in the last two hundred years. That was insane. It's not uncommon for these Academies to produce a graduating class of one or two newly minted Guardians. Everyone else either has dropped out or has to start again from the beginning of that year to perfect everything they had done wrong.

It's so exclusive, so reclusive, that only one person I know of, is a graduate of one of these schools. Yep, Dimitri. He didn't graduate early. Technically, a lot don't. Unless someone is exceedingly special. But the school usually recruits someone from a young age and trains them for about ten years. Dimitri graduated in five years if that proves anything.

Do I feel vain alluding that I am one such person that came from this school? Uh, yeah. I feel like a fake and fool. But it's exclusive and to the Guardians - anyone worth their salt, at least - has heard about it as rumors or stories. But even in my time, it's not something that's common. I'm not going to delve too deep into that. I'm not going to outright say it. Just... let them think it.

I'm going to hell.

Mason and Eddie look at each other, confused. Not immediately jumping onto the Rose-is-a-liar bandwagon. That's some real friends right there.

"Sure," I say, ignoring the Novice, "when Lissa and I first ran off I wasn't nearly as vigilant as I should have been and we were lucky that we didn't run into any problems. We... ran into Psi-hounds at one point and somehow managed to get away. I knew after that we needed to go somewhere safe. So we followed some trails and went to Siberia to an Academy there for me to finish my training. Lissa went to a regular public school while I was there."

"That's impossible, you were on the run from the Academy, there were alerts out for you across the grid," Dean, another Novice, says.

I smile at him, having expected this. "No there wasn't. There was one out for Lissa. Not me. Nobody knew who Rosemarie Hathaway was, and no one cared." It's true, Lissa's name was everywhere and St. Vladamir knew that I was with her, but all the Guardians and Moroi of other Academies didn't. Everyone was only looking for the Dragomir Princess. No one was looking for little ol' me. It was easier for me to slide beneath the radar so long as it wasn't someone from my school. Not that I really went anywhere without Lissa often, but I had seen my fair share of dhampirs while we were on the run. No Guardians though.

And no one in this room could deny that. We were all dhampirs. We are all second rate to Moroi. With a Princess missing, even if Kirova remembered to send my name to Court, it would have been lost in the paperwork easy. No one really cares about dhampir children missing. Not when a Moroi child is missing. Especially if that Moroi child was a Royal, and the last of her bloodline.

Nope, no competition there. No one could refute that.

"I finished my training quickly and was Promised. After that, I returned to Lissa and we went on our way." I lean from one hip to the other before leaning back on them. I can see Dimitri in the back of the class, he's hard to miss even standing amongst other Guardians with his long duster and large stature. He's staring holes right through me. If he wasn't interested in me before, he sure is now. Or, at least curious, I mean.

"You've got a Promise mark?" Eddie asks. "Really?"

"I wanna see," Meredith says, leaning forward in her seat. Yeah, now everyone wants to see that because that way they can prove I'm a liar. That, and I'm sure they are having fun not having to listen to anything that isn't Stan rambling on and on about things they've already heard before. Just a little more in depth each year. I'm amusing to them for now.

I reach up and touch my neck, conflicted. They need proof and this is the most surefire way of proving it. But the back of my neck is the story of my life. It paints all the painful things in my life, how many times I've thrown myself into danger. Thrown myself against Strigoi and won. At least enough times that others have bore witness to. It's not something easy to see.

Thinking back on seventeen-year-old Rose seeing Dimitri's molnija marks and commenting on them in the car... it makes sense now why he covered them up. We are supposed to show them off, as proof that we are both Promised and that we have experience in killing Strigoi, but it's personal. It's very personal. It would be no different than stripping me down right now in front of everyone. I'm sure some of those little horndogs wouldn't mind that in the least. But Stan understands. Dimitri understands. All the Guardians understand what they are asking of me and how personal it is.

How many marks on my neck - how many known Strigoi I've killed - probably pales in comparison to those I lost along the way. And pales in comparison to how many those Strigoi probably killed before they met me. And now, every single one of them is alive again out there. Hunting, killing, with no guarantee that I will run across them again. Or that I will be able to kill them a second time.

Dimitri understands. When my eyes lock with his, I see the sadness there. He understands the feeling of wanting to hide the most intimate part of your soul away. It's what he's good at. Killing a Strigoi isn't the honor that Novices think they are. Killing Strigoi is promising at least one person that they will never take another step in this world, ever again. It's never a good thing. Even if more of us survive because that Strigoi is gone. In a sick, twisted and even unorthodox way of looking at it, it's still murder.

That Strigoi used to be a person. A person who probably didn't even want to become a Strigoi. They might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, like Dimitri. Or felt that they had no other options, like Sonya.

"Once," I promise myself. "I will show it only once like some kind of badge of honor and never again." Confusion flickers over the faces of my former classmates because they were all still too young to understand. They won't understand until they've killed someone. Until they've killed a Strigoi. If they kill a Strigoi. If they aren't killed by a Strigoi, that is.

I gather up all my hair, turning my own eyes up to Dimitri, wondering what he's thinking. I see his hands following my hands, but there is something in his eyes that I recognize, something that stirs hope in my gut and pushes me forward with my choice even though I'm very much starting to second guess myself, even though I'm trapped in an impossible situation. There is just something in his eyes that give me the feeling that he has my back. That he understands what is being asked of me and he's silently offering me his strength.

He means it kindly, I know he does. But it means more to me then he will ever be able to understand. I have come to rely on him so much that being without that feeling is... hard. Very hard. Maybe one day, if I can somehow get him to fall in love with me, I will be able to tell him all about this strange situation. Or, somehow I will just be able to go back to moments leading up to Lissa's and my own death and tell him about it.

All of my hair is gathered up into a messy bun on the top of my head, using one of my hands to hold it in place before I take one more breath, force myself to relax, and turn around to show off the back of my neck.


End file.
